Air dryers

Has anyone used, or seen anyone use, the face and hair drying function of a hot air hand-dryer?

Mr Punch

After a previous post where I lamented the fact that I was unable to locate any information regarding the bizarre musical performance of the story of Mr Punch that I was involved in as a child. To my incredible good fortune, when going through a box of stuff from my younger years (and discovering that chocolate does not survive well in a loft) I found the single A4 sheet that was given to me with the lyrics to all the songs, and in the interest of preserving them for posterity I thought I would faithfully reproduce them here (including some of the peculiar punctuation): Punch's Triumph Song Punch is a jolly fellow, His coat is of red and yellow, And if now and then he's mellow, It's only among his friends. Punch is a rogue and rover; He lives, while he can, in clover For life very soon is over And there the story ends If you approve him Punch is happy If you admire him Punch is gay Lend him an ear and he'll amuse you In a delightful Punch-like way. When you have heard the story Of Punch in all his glory The more you applaud The more he Will know That you mean to show Whether high or low You are all his Good and faithful friends. Devil's Song I'm a very devil of a fellow, You can see that I'm a devil of a guy. There's no hope of slipping thro' my fingers, Be advised by me and do not even try Though you may not think it, You and I see eye to eye. Fires of hell are roasting wicked sinners, And the flames are leaping very very high. Can't escape your final destination, Be advised by me and never, never try. Though you'll not believe it, You will soon be Devil's pie! Scaramouch's Fiddle Song I play on my fiddle: Lala la, lala la, lala lala lala la, la-la My song is a riddle: Lala la, lala la, lala lala lala la, la-la I do not play high, I do not play low I don't need a string and I don't need a bow No end to my song, no beginning - and yet My song is a song that you'll never forget. Judy's Lullaby Rock-a-by baby, in the tree top The wind it will blow and the cradle will rock, The bough will break and the cradle will fall And then down will come baby and cradle and all. Doctor's Song In the exercise of his profession Every Doctor shows his skill, Searching out among the nooks and crannies All the viruses and germs that make you ill Is it here? No! Is it there? No! Well it's all the same to me. If you kill or if you cure 'em, Patients all must pay the Doctor's fee. Diagnosing of a human illness Is a hit or miss affair While the Doctors sit around and ponder All the patients' lives are hanging by a hair. Does it hurt there? No! Well it's all the same to me. If you kill or if you cure 'em, Patients all must pay the Doctor's fee. Policeman's Song and Duet (Judy) The arm of the law is never, never, never-never wrong The arm of the law is very, very, very-very strong The arm of the law is very very long, and quite infallible. The arm of the law has a very, very good grip The arm of the law will never, never, never let you slip The arm of the law will make the smartest villain trip And quite betray himself. And justice will be done. The arm of the law should be regarded as a friend. The arm of the law will get you in the end, For that is the charm of the law. Interlude Song Here lies Punch in a dungeon deep, Sing a song to cheer and comfort him. All his friends sit around and weep At the fate that's hanging over him. Poor old Punch! Hangman's' Song An eye for an eye A tooth for a tooth. This is the hangman's One and only notion of truth. Stand at the scaffold. Look at the rope. Even the jolly hangman Now is lost for a joke. Here comes the coffin, Here comes the hearse Your situation's rather grievous. Down in the quicklime Deep in the earth, Dust, bones and ash is all you'll leave us. Are you prepared, sir? Don't you be scared, sir. Close both your eyes and try my rope for size. Punch's Triumph Song Stand up and shout Hooray, For Punch he has won the day; A hero bold in every way, And no-one can deny it. Stand up and give a cheer For Punch, who, without a fear, Triumphantly is standing here. So loudly let us cry it. Though fate will lay him low, Surround him with every foe, He scorns them all and so There's nothing can defy him. Therefore: Now that you've heard the story of Punch in all his glory The more you applaud the more you will know That you mean to show, whether high or low, You are all his Good and faithful friends.

Learning to speak jive

In an attempt to make myself cooler, I am going to try to learn some jive (also because of the 'quit jiving me turkey' scene in the Simpsons), but having discovered how difficult it is to come about an official jive dictionary I am going to copy and paste the snippets of jive that I come across here: # Guitar: Git Box or Belly-Fiddle # Bass: Doghouse # Drums: Suitcase, Hides, or Skins # Piano: Storehouse or Ivories # Saxophone: Plumbing or Reeds # Trombone: Tram or Slush-Pump # Clarinet: Licorice Stick or Gob Stick # Xylophone: Woodpile # Vibraphone: Ironworks # Violin: Squeak-Box # Accordion: Squeeze-Box or Groan-Box # Tuba: Foghorn # Electric Organ: Spark Jiver # A hummer (n.) -- exceptionally good. Ex., "Man, that boy is a hummer." # Ain't coming on that tab (v.) -- won't accept the proposition. Usually abbr. to "I ain't coming." # Alligator (n.) -- jitterbug. # Apple (n.) -- the big town, the main stem, Harlem. # Armstrongs (n.) -- musical notes in the upper register, high trumpet notes. # Barbecue (n.) -- the girl friend, a beauty # Barrelhouse (adj.) -- free and easy. # Battle (n.) -- a very homely girl, a crone. # Beat (adj.) -- (1) tired, exhausted. Ex., "You look beat" or "I feel beat." (2) lacking anything. Ex, "I am beat for my cash", "I am beat to my socks" (lacking everything). # Beat it out (v.) -- play it hot, emphasize the rhythym. # Beat up (adj.) -- sad, uncomplimentary, tired. # Beat up the chops (or the gums) (v.) -- to talk, converse, be loquacious. # Beef (v.) -- to say, to state. Ex., "He beefed to me that, etc." # Bible (n.) -- the gospel truth. Ex., "It's the bible!" # Black (n.) -- night. # Black and tan (n.) -- dark and light colored folks. Not colored and white folks as erroneously assumed. # Blew their wigs (adj.) -- excited with enthusiasm, gone crazy. # Blip (n.) -- something very good. Ex., "That's a blip"; "She's a blip." # Blow the top (v.) -- to be overcome with emotion (delight). Ex., "You'll blow your top when you hear this one." # Boogie-woogie (n.) -- harmony with accented bass. # Boot (v.) -- to give. Ex., "Boot me that glove." # Break it up (v.) -- to win applause, to stop the show. # Bree (n.) -- girl. # Bright (n.) -- day. # Brightnin' (n.) -- daybreak. # Bring down ((1) n. (2) v.) -- (1) something depressing. Ex., "That's a bring down." (2) Ex., "That brings me down." # Buddy ghee (n.) -- fellow. # Bust your conk (v.) -- apply yourself diligently, break your neck. # Canary (n.) -- girl vocalist. # Capped (v.) -- outdone, surpassed. # Cat (n.) -- musician in swing band. # Chick (n.) -- girl. # Chime (n.) -- hour. Ex., "I got in at six chimes." # Clambake (n.) -- ad lib session, every man for himself, a jam session not in the groove. # Chirp (n.) -- female singer. # Cogs (n.) -- sun glasses. # Collar (v.) -- to get, to obtain, to comprehend. Ex., "I gotta collar me some food"; "Do you collar this jive?" # Come again (v.) -- try it over, do better than you are doing, I don't understand you. # Comes on like gangbusters (or like test pilot) (v.) -- plays, sings, or dances in a terrific manner, par excellence in any department. Sometimes abbr. to "That singer really comes on!" # Cop (v.) -- to get, to obtain (see collar; knock). # Corny (adj.) -- old-fashioned, stale. # Creeps out like the shadow (v.) -- "comes on," but in smooth, suave, sophisticated manner. # Crumb crushers (n.) -- teeth. # Cubby (n.) -- room, flat, home. # Cups (n.) -- sleep. Ex., "I gotta catch some cups." # Cut out (v.) -- to leave, to depart. Ex., "It's time to cut out"; "I cut out from the joint in early bright." # Cut rate (n.) -- a low, cheap person. Ex., "Don't play me cut rate, Jack!" # Dicty (adj.) -- high-class, nifty, smart. # Dig (v.) -- (1) meet. Ex., "I'll plant you now and dig you later." (2) look, see. Ex., "Dig the chick on your left duke." (3) comprehend, understand. Ex., "Do you dig this jive?" # Dim (n.) -- evening. # Dime note (n.) -- ten-dollar bill. # Doghouse (n.) -- bass fiddle. # Domi (n.) -- ordinary place to live in. Ex., "I live in a righteous dome." # Doss (n.) -- sleep. Ex., "I'm a little beat for my doss." # Down with it (adj.) -- through with it. # Drape (n.) -- suit of clothes, dress, costume. # Dreamers (n.) -- bed covers, blankets. # Dry-goods (n.) -- same as drape. # Duke (n.) -- hand, mitt. # Dutchess (n.) -- girl. # Early black (n.) -- evening # Early bright (n.) -- morning. # Evil (adj.) -- in ill humor, in a nasty temper. # Fall out (v.) -- to be overcome with emotion. Ex., "The cats fell out when he took that solo." # Fews and two (n.) -- money or cash in small quatity. # Final (v.) -- to leave, to go home. Ex., "I finaled to my pad" (went to bed); "We copped a final" (went home). # Fine dinner (n.) -- a good-looking girl. # Focus (v.) -- to look, to see. # Foxy (v.) -- shrewd. # Frame (n.) -- the body. # Fraughty issue (n.) -- a very sad message, a deplorable state of affairs. # Freeby (n.) -- no charge, gratis. Ex., "The meal was a freeby." # Frisking the whiskers (v.) -- what the cats do when they are warming up for a swing session. # Frolic pad (n.) -- place of entertainment, theater, nightclub. # Fromby (adj.) -- a frompy queen is a battle or faust. # Front (n.) -- a suit of clothes. # Fruiting (v.) -- fickle, fooling around with no particular object. # Fry (v.) -- to go to get hair straightened. # Gabriels (n.) -- trumpet players. # Gammin' (adj.) -- showing off, flirtatious. # Gasser (n, adj.) -- sensational. Ex., "When it comes to dancing, she's a gasser." # Gate (n.) -- a male person (a salutation), abbr. for "gate-mouth." # Get in there (exclamation.) -- go to work, get busy, make it hot, give all you've got. # Gimme some skin (v.) -- shake hands. # Glims (n.) -- the eyes. # Got your boots on -- you know what it is all about, you are a hep cat, you are wise. # Got your glasses on -- you are ritzy or snooty, you fail to recognize your friends, you are up-stage. # Gravy (n.) -- profits. # Grease (v.) -- to eat. # Groovy (adj.) -- fine. Ex., "I feel groovy." # Ground grippers (n.) -- new shoes. # Growl (n.) -- vibrant notes from a trumpet. # Gut-bucket (adj.) -- low-down music. # Guzzlin' foam (v.) -- drinking beer. # Hard (adj.) -- fine, good. Ex., "That's a hard tie you're wearing." # Hard spiel (n.) -- interesting line of talk. # Have a ball (v.) -- to enjoy yourself, stage a celebration. Ex., "I had myself a ball last night." # Hep cat (n.) -- a guy who knows all the answers, understands jive. # Hide-beater (n.) -- a drummer (see skin-beater). # Hincty (adj.) -- conceited, snooty. # Hip (adj.) -- wise, sophisticated, anyone with boots on. Ex., "She's a hip chick." # Home-cooking (n.) -- something very dinner (see fine dinner). # Hot (adj.) -- musically torrid; before swing, tunes were hot or bands were hot. # Hype (n, v.) -- build up for a loan, wooing a girl, persuasive talk. # Icky (n.) -- one who is not hip, a stupid person, can't collar the jive. # Igg (v.) -- to ignore someone. Ex., "Don't igg me!) # In the groove (adj.) -- perfect, no deviation, down the alley. # Jack (n.) -- name for all male friends (see gate; pops). # Jam ((1)n, (2)v.) -- (1) improvised swing music. Ex., "That's swell jam." (2) to play such music. Ex., "That cat surely can jam." # Jeff (n.) -- a pest, a bore, an icky. # Jelly (n.) -- anything free, on the house. # Jitterbug (n.) -- a swing fan. # Jive (n.) -- Harlemese speech. # Joint is jumping -- the place is lively, the club is leaping with fun. # Jumped in port (v.) -- arrived in town. # Kick (n.) -- a pocket. Ex., "I've got five bucks in my kick." # Kill me (v.) -- show me a good time, send me. # Killer-diller (n.) -- a great thrill. # Knock (v.) -- give. Ex., "Knock me a kiss." # Kopasetic (adj.) -- absolutely okay, the tops. # Lamp (v.) -- to see, to look at. # Land o'darkness (n.) -- Harlem. # Lane (n.) -- a male, usually a nonprofessional. # Latch on (v.) -- grab, take hold, get wise to. # Lay some iron (v.) -- to tap dance. Ex., "Jack, you really laid some iron that last show!" # Lay your racket (v.) -- to jive, to sell an idea, to promote a proposition. # Lead sheet (n.) -- a topcoat. # Left raise (n.) -- left side. Ex., "Dig the chick on your left raise." # Licking the chops (v.) -- see frisking the whiskers. # Licks (n.) -- hot musical phrases. # Lily whites (n.) -- bed sheets. # Line (n.) -- cost, price, money. Ex., "What is the line on this drape" (how much does this suit cost)? "Have you got the line in the mouse" (do you have the cash in your pocket)? Also, in replying, all figures are doubled. Ex., "This drape is line forty" (this suit costs twenty dollars). # Lock up -- to acquire something exclusively. Ex., "He's got that chick locked up"; "I'm gonna lock up that deal." # Main kick (n.) -- the stage. # Main on the hitch (n.) -- husband. # Main queen (n.) -- favorite girl friend, sweetheart. # Man in gray (n.) -- the postman. # Mash me a fin (command.) -- Give me $5. # Mellow (adj.) -- all right, fine. Ex., "That's mellow, Jack." # Melted out (adj.) -- broke. # Mess (n.) -- something good. Ex., "That last drink was a mess." # Meter (n.) -- quarter, twenty-five cents. # Mezz (n.) -- anything supreme, genuine. Ex., "this is really the mezz." # Mitt pounding (n.) -- applause. # Moo juice (n.) -- milk. # Mouse (n.) -- pocket. Ex., "I've got a meter in the mouse." # Muggin' (v.) -- making 'em laugh, putting on the jive. "Muggin' lightly," light staccato swing; "muggin' heavy," heavy staccato swing. # Murder (n.) -- something excellent or terrific. Ex., "That's solid murder, gate!" # Neigho, pops -- Nothing doing, pal. # Nicklette (n.) -- automatic phonograph, music box. # Nickel note (n.) -- five-dollar bill. # Nix out (v.) -- to eliminate, get rid of. Ex., "I nixed that chick out last week"; "I nixed my garments" (undressed). # Nod (n.) -- sleep. Ex., "I think I'l cop a nod." # Ofay (n.) -- white person. # Off the cob (adj.) -- corny, out of date. # Off-time jive (n.) -- a sorry excuse, saying the wrong thing. # Orchestration (n.) -- an overcoat. # Out of the world (adj.) -- perfect rendition. Ex., "That sax chorus was out of the world." # Ow! -- an exclamation with varied meaning. When a beautiful chick passes by, it's "Ow!"; and when someone pulls an awful pun, it's also "Ow!" # Pad (n.) -- bed. # Pecking (n.) -- a dance introduced at the Cotton Club in 1937. # Peola (n.) -- a light person, almost white. # Pigeon (n.) -- a young girl. # Pops (n.) -- salutation for all males (see gate; Jack). # Pounders (n.) -- policemen. # Queen (n.) -- a beautiful girl. # Rank (v.) -- to lower. # Ready (adj.) -- 100 per cent in every way. Ex., "That fried chicken was ready." # Ride (v.) -- to swing, to keep perfect tempo in playing or singing. # Riff (n.) -- hot lick, musical phrase. # Righteous (adj.) -- splendid, okay. Ex., "That was a righteous queen I dug you with last black." # Rock me (v.) -- send me, kill me, move me with rhythym. # Ruff (n.) -- quarter, twenty-five cents. # Rug cutter (n.) -- a very good dancer, an active jitterbug. # Sad (adj.) -- very bad. Ex., "That was the saddest meal I ever collared." # Sadder than a map (adj.) -- terrible. Ex., "That man is sadder than a map." # Salty (adj.) -- angry, ill-tempered. # Sam got you -- you've been drafted into the army. # Send (v.) -- to arouse the emotions. (joyful). Ex., "That sends me!" # Set of seven brights (n.) -- one week. # Sharp (adj.) -- neat, smart, tricky. Ex., "That hat is sharp as a tack." # Signify (v.) -- to declare yourself, to brag, to boast. # Skins (n.) -- drums. # Skin-beater (n.) -- drummer (see hide-beater). # Sky piece (n.) -- hat. # Slave (v.) -- to work, whether arduous labor or not. # Slide your jib (v.) -- to talk freely. # Snatcher (n.) -- detective. # So help me -- it's the truth, that's a fact. # Solid (adj.) -- great, swell, okay. # Sounded off (v.) -- began a program or conversation. # Spoutin' (v.) -- talking too much. # Square (n.) -- an unhep person (see icky; Jeff). # Stache (v.) -- to file, to hide away, to secrete. # Stand one up (v.) -- to play one cheap, to assume one is a cut-rate. # To be stashed (v.) -- to stand or remain. # Susie-Q (n.) -- a dance introduced at the Cotton Club in 1936. # Take it slow (v.) -- be careful. # Take off (v.) -- play a solo. # The man (n.) -- the law. # Threads (n.) -- suit, dress or costuem (see drape; dry-goods). # Tick (n.) -- minute, moment. Ex., "I'll dig you in a few ticks." Also, ticks are doubled in accounting time, just as money isdoubled in giving "line." Ex., "I finaled to the pad this early bright at tick twenty" (I got to bed this morning at ten o'clock). # Timber (n.) -- toothipick. # To dribble (v.) -- to stutter. Ex., "He talked in dribbles." # Togged to the bricks -- dressed to kill, from head to toe. # Too much (adj.) -- term of highest praise. Ex., "You are too much!" # Trickeration (n.) -- struttin' your stuff, muggin' lightly and politely. # Trilly (v.) -- to leave, to depart. Ex., "Well, I guess I'll trilly." # Truck (v.) -- to go somewhere. Ex., "I think I'll truck on down to the ginmill (bar)." # Trucking (n.) -- a dance introduced at the Cotton Club in 1933. # Twister to the slammer (n.) -- the key to the door. # Two cents (n.) -- two dollars. # Unhep (adj.) -- not wise to the jive, said of an icky, a Jeff, a square. # Vine (n.) -- a suit of clothes. # V-8 (n.) -- a chick who spurns company, is independent, is not amenable. # What's your story? -- What do you want? What have you got to say for yourself? How are tricks? What excuse can you offer? Ex., "I don't know what his story is." # Whipped up (adj.) -- worn out, exhausted, beat for your everything. # Wren (n.) -- a chick, a queen. # Wrong riff -- the wrong thing said or done. Ex., "You're coming up on the wrong riff." # Yarddog (n.) -- uncouth, badly attired, unattractive male or female. # Yeah, man -- an exclamation of assent. # Zoot (adj.) -- exaggerated # Zoot suit (n.) -- the ultimate in clothes. The only totally and truly American civilian suit .

What would a hippy do? A guide to personal relaxation and aid in combatting depression

In order to help one of one of my friends, who was in need of some serious de-stressing and pointers on how to break an incredibly self-flagellating mind-set, I found myself constantly reminding her that so long as she is eating, sleeping and breathing everything else is optional. She admired my ability to maintain a laissez-faire attitude towards life, but finding it hard to break the habits of a lifetime when it came to giving herself a break, I realised that she needed specific direction to help her to let go of the feeling that she always had to be doing something.

To try and create a formula which would help her to make decisions on how to identify areas where a more relaxed approach might help bring a little tranquillity to her life, I came up with the 'What Would a Hippy Do?' method of tackling stress. It is remarkably simple - in any stress-inducing situation all you need to do is think about how our ancestor hippies would have approached things and follow that course of action yourself. Instead of worrying about work, stressing yourself out with concerns about the daily pressures of life or beating yourself up about spending a day in bed, consider instead the options afforded to you by adopting traditional hippy passtimes. These include:

1. Having a nap

2. Playing with a dog, cat or suitably happy small child

3. Having a snack

4. Dancing in a field (music optional)

5. Going to a gig (don't forget to look for those magic tickets)

6. Following a band on tour

7. Tie-dyeing something

8. Leaving things be

9. Putting four mattresses on the floor and inviting twelve people round to stay indefinitely

10. Assessing every 'necessary' activity according to the 'binary mortality index' e.g 'Will anyone die if I don't send in a gas meter reading?'

It's also important to remember that if you avoid putting things away for long enough, you will probably use them again, thus rendering the process of 'tidying' completely pointless. By following these simple tenets of hippy life, it's possible to regard almost any activity as an unprecedented achievement, making simple tasks like getting out of bed before it gets dark immensely satisfying, but also rendering failure almost impossible. If it worked for a whole generation of flare-wearing, long-haired tree-hugging happy folk then why not recognise its contribution to our society and encourage more peace-loving relaxation?

2010 is here

After overeating, over drinking and generally making the most of the festive season, we are now entering a new period of frugality in an attempt to marshall as much money as we can for our escape plans. Fortunately, due to an apparent genetic weakness, storing food in case of an emergency, national disaster or drunken inability to get to the shops is something I am good at, so we are currently embarking on an entertaining game called 'Freezer Surprise' which occasionally yields a treat (forgotten Thai Curry, some chilli we thought had gone AWOL) and sometimes provides an entirely incongruous meal (macaroni cheese and puff pastry). However, the knowledge that all this is contributing to our ultimate escape makes it surprisingly easy to cope with, and there is something weirdly satisfying about seeing all the clear space in the freezer...