100 things (71 - 80)

These ten will be dedicated to the things I don't like about myself, not in a spirit of being down, just because I thought I would do the next 10 about things I like about myself, and starting with the bad is a better way round to do it. 71. I am very bad at keeping in touch with most people - I can never work out whether it's because I just don't have that much in common with them or whether it is just a social awkwardness thing about leaving it for so long that I then feel like I should have some big news to share when I do and I will never live up to the length of time it has taken to get in touch. I believe this to be genetic as my brother is exactly the same, only much worse. 72. I am lazy. I tend to think of it as laid back, but as my weight creeps up and the filing mounts and even the things I want to do don't get done, I really have to accept that I am a lazy person. I do the least amount possible to get by unless I am really inspired by something (although this mostly relates to my working life rather than my personal life). I don't feel bad about it most of the time, but occasionally I do wonder whether life will drift past me as I lie in bed and whether I will regret the time I have spent watching detective dramas in years to come. 73. I can be a horrible bitch, and when drunk, even more so. Despite the fact that I generally like people and get on with them, I do find myself drawn to their negative points, probably because I see the same negatives in myself, which bring me on to: 74. I am pretty hypocritical. I hate it when I can see someone using a trick or technique I use to get by, which is possibly because I am scared that I am that transparent and that people are looking at me and thinking the same thing. I also judge people on their looks, assuming people who are pretty will be vain and making wild asssumptions about people who spend any time or money on their appearance. 75. I have an overinflated sense of my own uniqueness. When Derren Brown did his show about pretending to be psychic and pretended to be able to analyse people's personalities from a personal item of theirs but when it came down to it they all had the same description, I immediately thought: 'that would have caught me out'. Not that I believe in psychic ability, or would have thought that he had somehow divined the inner workings of my mind, but I am convinced that all my foibles and insecurities are specific to myself and assume that other people all know what they are doing and I'm the only one who isn't sure. However, this also means I think that I am cooler than I am and get frustrated with people who don't appreciate the same things as me because I can't believe they will settle for the 'crap' they like when there's so much good stuff out there. 76. I can be very manipulative, which annoys me because I never really realise I'm doing it and it's only afterwards that I think 'that wasn't really called for, I should have just admitted that I was wrong instead of trying to spread the blame' by which time it's too late to change it. 77. I can be really uptight - despite having a pretty laid back attitude to most things, there are some aspects of life which really grind my gears and I find it impossible to chill out about them, such as unwashed hands, the whole other people eating thing and numerous other petty irrelevances. 78. I am nervous and inhibited in many aspect of my life, and despite attempts to 'face my fears' they all seem so petty and pathetic that I can't even bring myself to think about them most of the time. 79. I am very worried about being like my Dad, who never passes up an opportunity to get a laugh, even if it means saying something hurtful about someone. I know I sometimes take it too far with the Boy Wonder and it makes a hole in my heart when I turn fun into annoyance by taking it one step beyond amusing. 80. I have an immense talent for self-pity masked as introspection and reflection whereby I lose all sense of proportion, blowing small incidents up into terrible tragedies as though feeling bad about something absolves me from the responsiblity of having said or done it.

100 things (61 - 70)

61. I love local radio, which plays host to a delightful selection of crazy people with crazier opinions who love nothing more than to voice them on air, often between the hours of midnight and four am. We are lucky enough to be able to pick up Radio Cambridgeshire and 3 Counties Radio at our house, so not only can we enjoy the dulcet tones of Jeremy Sallis, but we can also tune in to Ern and Vern for some late night single entendre action. I rarely listen to any other live radio and cannot understand how people don't actually know about local BBC services, let alone enjoy them in all their glory! 62. I could eat crisps until my arteries clog and I keel over, but I don't out of concern for my health. Technically I am limited to one packet a day, although sometimes this extends to one really large packet, which is offset by the days where I don't eat any. I generally prefer savoury snacks to sweet, and my tolerance for crisps is far greater than my tolerance for chocolate. 63. I don't like ice-cream or cake and feel as though this in some way makes me freakish, particularly since last night I caught about 10 minutes of an episode of Friends in which Ross was actively mocked for not liking ice-cream as though it's the same as not liking air. 64. I don't have any irrational fears - all my slightly peculiar dislikes (sticky hands, poorly maintained toilets etc) are relatively well managed, and I don't have panic attacks or anything. I'm not scared of insects, in fact I actively like most kinds of bugs, I'm not great with heights but only when I feel precarious, so I can cope with most situations and can overcome most cases of vertigo with by thinking logically and forcing myself to suck it up. I like all animals, don't mind any particular form of transport, I don't exactly enjoy spending time in hospitals or going to the dentist, but I don't even really get nervous about either, and the only things I am really scared of is stuff you should be scared of like people I love suffering, so I assume that's pretty much normal and everyone has to put up with it. It's weird because a part of me would like to conquer something inside myself, but I really am not sure if any of my particular foibles would count. 65. If I could live with a pet, I would love to be a trainer for guide dog puppies. I don't think I could ever get a kitten or a puppy as the Boy Wonder and I are both more inclined towards going to an animal shelter and taking home the cat or dog which nobody else wants or that has a slightly gammy element to it. As such, I think that getting involved in guide dog puppy training would be a brilliant way to have a puppy for a period of time and then replace it with another puppy. It's not ideal - obviously I would have to consider whether I would be able to actually give a puppy up, but I do think that if I knew I was doing it for someone who needs the help a seeing eye or hearing dog could offer, I could probably manage it. 66. I love doing things on Friday nights - it feels like a bonus weekend day and I can easily forget a day at work after a couple of hours being sociable. It's really easy to lie around on a Friday night, but unfortunately it does feel a little bit too much like every other weeknight, whereas going out on Friday night makes Saturday feel like Sunday and then you have a bonus weekend day to enjoy before the horrors of work on a Monday. 67. I would like to wear dungarees, but fear the connotations as I already look butch enough without adding to the lesbian accessories. The practicalities of going to the loo are a little hairy, but I would put up with that for the fun of having a pouch to keep sweets in. I have consistently forbidden the Boy Wonder to have anything to do with dungarees, so it's wildly hypocritical to even lust after them myself, but I cannot pretend that I don't think about them and sometimes I'm literally wearing them in my dreams... 68. I am intolerant of PMS/PMT which makes me a little uncomfortable. On the one hand, I refuse to see it as an acceptable excuse for rudeness and poor behaviour, but having never suffered from it myself, I wonder whether I am a little harsh on those who do. However, I have suffered many other symptoms of PMS and have felt irritable and ratty, but never used it as an excuse for being unreasonable. I am frequently unreasonable for no reason which I am quite happy with, but I don't see how your personality can be completely altered once a month without there being any inner moment of thinking 'I seem to be taking this a little seriously/I think I am overreacting/maybe this is not worth the bother'. But then I can't really be bothered with rows generally, so maybe this is more to do with that than PMS. 69. Is the funniest number, and if I haven't grown out of finding it amusing by now then I doubt I will. 70. I am learning geography. When I was at school we did environmental geography which was pretty interesting, but really only taught me about rocks breaking and oxbow lakes, whereas I would actually like to learn a bit about where stuff is in the world. Last week I got a TV quiz question about oceans right based on actual knowledge rather than wild guesswork, which was a treat, and I put this down to the fact that I bought the Boy Wonder a map of the world which now lives in our bedroom and helpfully transmits knowledge to my brain through sheer power of its presence in the room.

100 things (51 - 60)

51. I am naturally quite lazy and a huge procrastinator, but I do occasionally have bouts of energy which overwhelm me with the desire to achieve something and make a tangible difference, like sealing the bath, reorganising the kitchen cupboards or painting the house. The Boy Wonder is naturally even lazier than me, and his surges of activity are much rarer and far more likely to involve something guitar-based which will make a tangible difference to his life, but will barely impact on me. Sometimes our moments of motivational energy coincide and we are hugely productive for a day or so, and sometimes, if I have enough warning, I can sweep the Boy Wonder away in a wave of enthusiasm which he is powerless to intercept. There are also the times when I am raring to go and the Boy Wonder really isn't and will not be turned. This is generally fine, as my enthusiasm is not dependent on his, and such is my desire to complete the job that I am often happy to do it unaided and will actually encourage him to sit still and relax, such as after our wedding when we packed two cars to the rafters with stuff from the marquee and camper van after a long day of clearing up. I happily unloaded them by myself and found homes for everything while the Boy Wonder and our delightful best man chilled and enjoyed some well-earned rest. However, we also have the worst option, whereby I am engaged in a task or tasks and keen to get going and the Boy Wonder not only doesn't want to help, but also doesn't want me to do anything - he calls this me being 'busy and mean' and whilst it exasperates me slightly, I admire his commitment to laziness and his evangelical approach to chilling out. 52. Despite my inherent untidiness, I do like order in some things - our CDs have been alphabetised since I did it during a protracted procrastination session whilst 'trying' to write my dissertation. My books are not alphabetised because the shelving arrangements would not allow it, but there is an order to their placement which is esoteric but fundamental to my ability to find anything. 53. The Boy Wonder likes red and black sweets, I like green and yellow and we both like orange. I consider this another sign that we were lucky to find each other so we could leave no bag of sweets uneaten. 54. My dream house would have a big garden with a stream running through it and at least ten trees. The house would have a big attic, a cellar, a suitable room for guitars and a library with wall-to-wall, floor-to-ceiling bookcases and a step ladder. A big kitchen would be a must as the Boy Wonder wants a fridge with an ice maker built in and the living room has to have room for huge sofas where the Boy Wonder and I could lie together when we've eaten too much and need to stretch out. 55. I really wish I could draw, but despite several spirited attempts to learn the art of art, I am completely hopeless, to the point where I am physically incapable of rendering anything vaguely recognisable. 56. I was slightly disconcerted to hear on the radio last week that my Sunday morning favourite, Countryfile, is moving from it's perfectly placed slot on Sunday at 11am to the Antiques Roadshow zone on a Sunday afternoon/evening at 6.30pm. I only hope that something suitably soothing is placed into the morning slot as the tales of simple country folk were the perfect accompaniment to a nice glass of orange juice and a morning relaxing in bed. 57. Despite what people think, living with a musician is not all romantic serenades and meaningful moments where he gazes into my eyes and sings about how much he loves me. Mostly it involves listening to the Boy Wonder's rendition of the theme tune to Steptoe and Son which he plays for his own entertainment whilst I am doing things. Sometimes I get to listen to him practising scales and arpeggios or replaying a tricky part of something he's working on over and over again. On the rare occasions that he does requests though, it's pretty sweet. 58. I can't watch nature documentaries as I get too involved and cry when things go wrong - I know that nature is cruel and that the circle of life has its casualties but I cannot pick sides between a female polar bear on the verge of starvation out hunting with her new cub or the family of seals with their tiny fuzzy pups hiding beneath the ice hoping that a massive paw won't come crashing down and spray the ice with blood. 59. There is something in me which would like to try stand up, but apart from being scared I am also not really sure what purpose it would serve. I know from TV that it can break down barriers and makes you confident in the rest of your life, but that's the main thing I'm scared of, so I'm not sure if it would count. 60. I would love to know more about Greek mythology - I love all the bits about gods begetting offspring from their toe-nails and armpits and people turning into other things to trick other people and then all getting their comeuppance at the end except for those who don't and die tragically for no reason other than to be avenged. Unfortunately I find it hard to absorb information like this, so I have lots of half remembered stuff from childhood and asides from the Greek tragedy I studied at university stored in my brain and serving no useful purpose.

100 things (31 - 40)

31. I have weird fingers that I can bend back without touching. I can also cross them all over one another without any assistance from the other hand, and I can touch my wrist with my thumb. 32. I have two middle names which have never really caused me a problem until we got married, when I apparently said my full name in the manner of a teenager complaining, which made everyone laugh. I thought they were laughing at my name, so it could have been worse, but as my brother said 'You just had to be naughty didn't you?'. 33. I once had a car parked on my foot accidentally by my friend - there was a bit of bruising, but ultimately no long-term negative effects. 34. I used to be able to touch the floor with nearly flat hands (straight legged of course), and now can barely touch it with the tips of my fingers. Hence, I have chosen to add this to my list or arbitrary resolutions, and see if I can improve that over the next year. 35. I am a little bit in love with Google. I think it's partly because I work with Google, and there are loads of things that I can do and see from within my Google account that make my life loads and loads easier. Partly it's because the very nature of my job means that the better I do, the better Google does and so forth, which in turn means that as well as providing the information I need, Google also does loads of great stuff above and beyond the stuff I technically need which really helps me out, so a mutually beneficial time is had by all. But mostly it's because I use Google and the more I use and understand it through work, the easier and more effective I find it as a search tool for those drunken moments when I need to know the lyrics to a song, who was in an obscure programme I once saw, or what the time is in Acapulco. I am constantly amazed at people who are unable to find the information they want, misunderstand search results and fail to enter halfway decent parameters, and I consider myself lucky to be in a position to understand as much of how it works as I need to to be considered a bit of a Google whizz amongst my friends. 36. The only companies I get e-mails from on my birthday (I usually give a fake birth date to companies I don't like) are Google and Jack Daniels. I choose to be proud of that, as though it's some kind of achievement rather than a tragic comment on my life as an alcoholic search addict. 37. I found out recently that I am racist, but in favour of black people rather than white, meaning that I am either so right on I don't know what to do with myself, or that the veracity of online personality tests is dubious. 38. I put my whole blog into Wordle and when my word cloud came up the words Boy and Wonder were by far the biggest. It wasn't a surprise, but it was nice to find yet another way of demonstrating my obsession with my husband. 39. I don't really like reading things on a computer screen - I highlight the paragraph I am reading and constantly click on the screen as I read. This must be annoying for my colleagues but frankly, I couldn't care less. 40. I make the 'devil's horn' hand gesture way more than is healthy or appropriate for a person of my age.