Spin-off shows

Having discovered that Jason King was a spin-off show I started thinking about other spin-offs which stand alone in their own right. I wasn't even aware that Mork and Mindy was a spin-off until years after my early introduction to their antics in the 6.30 slot on channel four as a kid, and when I discovered that the whole show was a spin-off from Happy Days I was bemused. I wouldn't say I was a huge Happy Days fan, but they were another one in the 6.30 slot, so I have seen quite a few, but never any with Mork or Mindy in them. And presumably, for a spin-off to have even be considered they must have featured in quite a few episodes. More confusingly, not only have I not seen an episode with either Mork or Mindy in it, I apparently haven't seen any of the subsequent episodes. Given that the lives of the Happy Days gang revolved around the Fonz's conquests and various school-related melodramas, you would have thought that they would have endlessly relived the time they spent with an alien, possibly even kept in touch given that they would presumably have been a good bunch of friends to have if you were keeping an eye on a socially inept alien. It was a bit weird that he and Mindy got married, but I still think it's weirder that Richie, Potsie and Ralph Malph never even mentioned their alien encounter and that Mrs C never even made cookies for Mork and Mindy. I never saw Laverne and Shirley in Happy Days either, although I never saw Laverne and Shirley the TV show at all until I was in the States. Wikipedia claims that Laverne and Shirley was the most successful spin-off from Happy Days, meaning that even Mork and Mindy's multi-season reign on the small screen was nothing compared to Laverne and Shirley's TV takeover. Wikipedia has also provided useful information about another 3 Happy Days spin-offs, the most entertaining-sounding of which, 'Out of the Blue' was apparently aired by accident before the main character had even appeared in Happy Days. This can only prove that my initial assumptions about a character's popularity being a key factor when deciding whether they warrant a spin-off series was incorrect. I am not sure why you would even create a spin-off series without even knowing whether the character will go down well, and evidently my instinct was correct given that neither 'Out of the Blue' nor 'Blansky's Beauties' have ever registered on my consciousness. 'Joanie loves Chachi' is one that I was at least aware of, but I don't think I have ever seen it and it seems reasonable to assume that it can't have been that great given the speed with which they cancelled it. Interestingly, this brief foray into the world of spin-offs has revealed that Happy Days itself was originally a spin-off of a show called 'Love, American Style', yet another layer in the confusing world of inter-show mingling which has convinced me that there should be some limit to the number of generations you can have of a show before realising it's really gone to shit. In the case of 'Friends' and 'Joey' of course, we have all realised that the limit should have been set at none. However, by far my favourite spin-off (and one which frankly I can't believe was a secondary idea given the fact that it is a truly spectacular show in its own right) is the Colbert Report. Why there was even a need for him to pay his dues on the John Stewart show is far beyond me, as I would imagine anyone with enough rudimentary brain function to either see, hear, or both wouldn't need any convincing to run with the idea of giving Stephen Colbert unlimited access to TV schedules to air his thoughts, hopes and dreams for the nation. I only wish he would bestow his mighty brain power on the UK and resolve all our national, international and personal issues - it would probably only take him half an hour...

The Colbert Report

I'm still finding it increasingly difficult to know that the Colbert Report is on in this country, but we can't watch it. It pains me, but I'm beginning to wonder whether £35 a month for access to half an hour's worth of programming a day is actually quite a good deal - nearly £2 an episode wouldn't be so galling if it wasn't for the fact that we did have the FX channel and were blissfully happy, and should we succumb and start paying for it, we will never know whether it might have reappeared at some point anyway. Plus, if we went out for an evening, the cost of each episode would increase, which would mean that alongside the disappointment of not seeing the show, we would have the mounting costs to justify to ourselves as well. A part of me is really angry that there are people out there just enjoying the show, a part of me thinks the message on the Colbert Nation website is almost worth it, and a part of me wants to e-mail Stephen Colbert himself, throw myself on his mercy and beg him to give me personal access to the shows on the grounds that I love them so much. Well, I think that's the part of me that just wants to throw myself on Stephen Colbert generally if I'm honest - it's looking for any excuse...

Oh FX - why have you forsaken me?

I wrote a while ago about a dream I had which featured Stephen Colbert and at the end I rhapsodised euphorically about the joys of being able to watch the Colbert Report every night. Either I was tempting fate, or the folks at Virgin media are avid blog readers, checking every customer’s online antics for signs that they are receiving more television channels than those to which they are entitled. Either way, a tragedy occurred, and we are no longer able to get the FX channel. This has deprived me and the Boy Wonder of most of NCIS, the only team in Naval Criminal Investigative Service who never seem to be on a boat, near a boat or even close to water, the latest adventures of Nash Bridges, a man who thinks nothing of shooting five or six criminals before lunch in his own living room, and the ongoing ingenuity of MacGyver, whose relationships with children are never questioned because they always come home with an amazing new skill such as horse whispering, iron bar bending, or opening a locked door using nothing but a light bulb, a piece of pipe and some ice (for further details, please don't hesitate to get in touch). But worse than all this, and in fact worse than many other things which spring to mind, including my ear fleas (more about those another time I promise), is the overwhelming chasm left in our lives by the absence of the Colbert Report. When FX first disappeared, we would be taunted by the sight of Virgin’s snotty pop-up telling us we have not subscribed to this channel and to contact them to do so, but now we are in an even darker place, where we hope beyond hope that one day the FX channel will be restored to us, and so keep it in the ‘favourite channels’ list so that we will know if it does. Yet doing that this means (due to the fact you can’t pick your own order for your favourites channels with Virgin - that would just be too convenient) that every time we browse the on-screen guide there, nestled between the channels we do have, is a greyed-out treasure trove of programmes we want to watch, and at 11 every night we see with regret that the Colbert Report is on and we are missing out. We have tried to get FX back through legitimate means, but for some reason it is only available as part of the most expensive package that Virgin media offer, meaning we would be paying more than twice as much as we currently do for our phone, internet and TV just to have one channel. They will not add just one channel for a nominal payment, and they will not consider offering it as part of a less expensive package. Apparently, a desire to watch FX is inevitably coupled with enjoyment of international sport, endlessly repeating films and a range of reality TV shows that defy any logical mind. For those who just want to enjoy rapier wit and the occasional crime drama, there is no reasonable course of action, and hence I am here, venting my disappointment in life, and planning the day when I ring Virgin media to cancel my contract and say ‘I only wanted to watch FX and you wouldn’t let me so now I am going to the States to enjoy it whenever I want!’. I can’t imagine they would care, but then I live in hope that when our pilgrimage reaches its destination Stephen Colbert will recognise in our eyes that we are truly deserving of our places in the Colbert Nation.

I had a dream, I had an awesome dream...

There's generally no excuse for quoting Lionel Ritchie unless in the context of The Commodores, and particularly this song, but I am making an exception because such was the awesome nature of my dream last night it outweighs any negative feelings I have about Vinyl Lionel ruining precisely half the tracks the Commodores did by stifling their funky and writing songs himself. Now, I generally have pretty rubbish dreams, sometimes distressing (like the one in which my older brother gave me my own dead body as a birthday present, after some weird out-of-body experience, and I entertained myself happily by cutting off one arm and sewing it onto the other side of my body before panicking that someone was going to think I was responsible for a murder), sometimes actively tiring (like the night before last when I had to find homes for a snake, a lizard, several types of fish and some worms all of which required separate habitats which had to be made of things I had lying around at home, and all of which had to be constructed before I ended up being late to leave for work), and very occasionally just weird (like the one where the Boy Wonder and I were out looking for some ear-rings for his grandad and he got distracted by wanting to buy a waistcoat with snooker balls all over it). You get it - lots of weird stuff goes on in my head once I'm asleep, probably a Freudian's idea of a lifelong project, although I never attach much importance to the content. But my dream last night, as previously stated, was awesome! There were still elements of my normal panic dreams, but with one important difference - last night I dreamt that my boss had hired Stephen Colbert to work at our office! I was so stoked, so even though I was supposed to be delivering a presentation that nobody had told me about, I didn't care because it was to Stephen Colbert! I was just sitting in the meeting grinning at him and hoping he didn't know anything about what I do because I wanted to impress him. Half way through the meeting my boss did a trick he does in real life and just wandered out and Stephen leant forward and said 'Who do you have to dry-hump around here to get a marijuana cigarette' proving that my subconscious also has a healthy respect for the man! This was one of the few dreams I have ever had, particularly in my adult life, from which I awoke thinking 'That would be so cool if it was true' and because it happens so rarely I thought I should preserve the memory. Life has been a much more entertaining place since we got the Colbert Report on these shores - my favourite thing about America is now available in the corner of my living room, and apparently in the recesses of my mind. Now if I can just get a reliable supply Pepperidge Farm goldfish, I will never want for anything again...