I drove to Derbyshire and back yesterday, which was not in itself exciting, but it did mean that I went from 11am until about 9pm without eating anything, and then stayed up till 2 consuming Bow with the Boy Wonder and our friend The Gift which may or may not be relevant to the fact that I spend the night dreaming that Saddam Hussein was teasing me with a group of his friends.
Now, when I say teasing, I mean approaching me in the street with a rack of 6 football sized rigid plastic balls with numbers written on them and declaring that we were going to play ‘Which is the most boring number’. The game consisted of one of his cronies hitting each ball (marked with an apparently random number) and the ball breaking to reveal, in order: a banger, a balloon flying towards me, something gooey, a yellow thing which flew out and hit me in the groin, something which I didn’t see and finally a long extendable stick (we’re talking over 20m) with a jumping spider on it. I was talking to the Boy Wonder and telling him how annoying it was, but he was distracted by the fact that he was really impressed with the extendable jumping spider, which was really annoying me.
For some reason, Matt Hill kept coming up to me and trying to hug me, but I wanted to know why Saddam Hussein was following me around just to annoy me so I kept trying to talk to him, but he was just being really smug and, well…annoying, which is not really an adjective I ever thought I would use about the man.
So what does it mean? Well, probably bugger all really, but let’s assume that it was more to do with the tapenade and Bow than some kind of peculiar mental illness for now.
