When typos go bad

It is almost always a big problem to type 'moist' instead of 'most', particularly when writing for work.

Unexpected effects of tiredness

Quiet delight - a state of acceptance which only comes when you have realised your main achievement will be not dropping off into a snooze and hitting your head on the desk and to try anything more taxing would be asking for trouble. Inability to judge speed - makes driving tiresome and terrifying all at once. Slightly soft focus vision - feels like living in the most boring porn film in the world with twinkly edges all over and no peripheral vision to speak of. Sudden amusement at everyone who isn't obviously battling to stay awake - their endeavours seem so pointless when the consequences aren't going to come close to a formal warning for being asleep at their desk. With that hanging over you, why bother about anything else...?

Deal or No Deal

What the fuck?

Dog the Bounty Hunter

This is a show which I was vaguely aware of, but have had no access to since we ditched all our paid TV. When it was featured on Charlie Brooker's excellent show 'You Have Been Watching' I relived all the slightly conflicted feelings I had previously had about it. On the one hand, there is a sense of justice being done where we can see it as they round up bail jumpers on television rather than behind closed doors with pixellated faces, the similarities to 'The Fall Guy' cannot be over looked, and in fairness, Dog himself does seem to be pretty proportionate when apprehending people. On the other hand, there is the salaciousness of watching someone being cornered and brought to justice, the slightly dubious nature of the whole bounty hunting industry in the US and allegations of racism against Dog himself. So, rife with internal conflict, I came up with possibly the best adaptation to an existing show ever - screen it live! That way, the show would take on an interesting bent as criminals are tempted to tune in to check that they don't recognise the outside of their own front door, but knowing at the same time that if they do try to escape, they will miss the opportunity to feature on the show. Either I am a genius, or I have devised a way of tackily exploiting the legal system for entertainment even more than the show's makers were already doing - I used to believe the two were mutually exclusive, but I am coming to realise that might not be so...

Proust may have had a point

There's nothing quite like being in a greenhouse full of warm tomatoes - I think this is one of the childhood memories I would go furthest out of my way to recreate (that and my love of tomatoes generally!). I also have very strong feelings when I smell something which I think is Jasmine. I once had a bottle of this scent which came from a National Trust shop - the bottle was tiny and I was a little overexcited by it, and although I never used it for anything other than taking out and smelling, every so often I get a whiff of something that smells the same and it takes me back instantly.

How can I sound more important?

I'm pretty sure this is becoming more common, or at least I have heard it more: the practice of substituting 'me' with 'myself', and 'you' with 'yourself' as in 'If you could send that to myself please' or 'We can book yourselves in for this weekend'. I can only assume that people who do not understand the English language think it sounds official in some way, or that terror of misusing 'I' or 'me' somehow leads people to thinking that misuse of the reflexive is preferable and will always be considered at least right-ish no matter what the circumstance. Either way, it grates - I would rather hear someone confuse 'I' and 'me' than complicate a sentence with unecessary use of 'myself' or 'yourself'.

Food shame

There are two food related things that make me ashamed of myself: Eating crisp sandwiches (which I have re-christened Chav-wiches to demonstrate that I know this is not an acceptable way to eat)which must be salt and vinegar crisps and nearly always feature when I am ill. It's as though I am anti-nourishing my body! Dropping food on my chest and then eating it - makes me feel like Bart Simpson in the future when he washes himself with a rag on a stick. Wholesome - mmmmmm!

Have a nice day

There are many fascinating things about the British, one being the tradition we have of being euphemistically polite at all costs. Rarely do we let our true feelings show, and we are world-renowned for our attempts at stiff upper-lipped stoicism. So why is the all-American marketing gem of 'Have a nice day' such a bone of contention to Brits?