Oh FX - why have you forsaken me?

I wrote a while ago about a dream I had which featured Stephen Colbert and at the end I rhapsodised euphorically about the joys of being able to watch the Colbert Report every night. Either I was tempting fate, or the folks at Virgin media are avid blog readers, checking every customer’s online antics for signs that they are receiving more television channels than those to which they are entitled. Either way, a tragedy occurred, and we are no longer able to get the FX channel. This has deprived me and the Boy Wonder of most of NCIS, the only team in Naval Criminal Investigative Service who never seem to be on a boat, near a boat or even close to water, the latest adventures of Nash Bridges, a man who thinks nothing of shooting five or six criminals before lunch in his own living room, and the ongoing ingenuity of MacGyver, whose relationships with children are never questioned because they always come home with an amazing new skill such as horse whispering, iron bar bending, or opening a locked door using nothing but a light bulb, a piece of pipe and some ice (for further details, please don't hesitate to get in touch). But worse than all this, and in fact worse than many other things which spring to mind, including my ear fleas (more about those another time I promise), is the overwhelming chasm left in our lives by the absence of the Colbert Report. When FX first disappeared, we would be taunted by the sight of Virgin’s snotty pop-up telling us we have not subscribed to this channel and to contact them to do so, but now we are in an even darker place, where we hope beyond hope that one day the FX channel will be restored to us, and so keep it in the ‘favourite channels’ list so that we will know if it does. Yet doing that this means (due to the fact you can’t pick your own order for your favourites channels with Virgin - that would just be too convenient) that every time we browse the on-screen guide there, nestled between the channels we do have, is a greyed-out treasure trove of programmes we want to watch, and at 11 every night we see with regret that the Colbert Report is on and we are missing out. We have tried to get FX back through legitimate means, but for some reason it is only available as part of the most expensive package that Virgin media offer, meaning we would be paying more than twice as much as we currently do for our phone, internet and TV just to have one channel. They will not add just one channel for a nominal payment, and they will not consider offering it as part of a less expensive package. Apparently, a desire to watch FX is inevitably coupled with enjoyment of international sport, endlessly repeating films and a range of reality TV shows that defy any logical mind. For those who just want to enjoy rapier wit and the occasional crime drama, there is no reasonable course of action, and hence I am here, venting my disappointment in life, and planning the day when I ring Virgin media to cancel my contract and say ‘I only wanted to watch FX and you wouldn’t let me so now I am going to the States to enjoy it whenever I want!’. I can’t imagine they would care, but then I live in hope that when our pilgrimage reaches its destination Stephen Colbert will recognise in our eyes that we are truly deserving of our places in the Colbert Nation.