I love my massive studio-style headphones

They are the only thing that stands between my co-workers and certain death. Because we have moved to an office which has no cafeteria and no staff room, in fact nowhere at all to get away from your desk without getting in your car and escaping somewhere more luxurious, I am constantly subjected to the noises of my colleagues crunching, sucking, slurping and talking through mouthfuls of food. The sound of this process ranges from vaguely annoying crisp eating by people who seem to be involved in ongoing competitions with themselves to see how large a stack of crisps they can ram into their gob in one go, crushing them up with their mouth half agape to those who willfully open a mouth full of half-chewed slop to share some worthless piece of information with someone who doesn't care, and certainly doesn't have enough interest to want to see the future contents of their stomach. I am sure that I make some noise when I eat, but at least I have some understanding of the size of my mouth, and don't consistently try to test its limits with just one more crunchy treat which will render me incapable of chewing with my mouth closed, thus subjecting everyone around to the sound of me snorting and grunting my way through the entire mouthful and possibly end in the unplanned consumption of a colleague's fist. But, fortunately for my co-workers, I have massive headphones and a wide selection of entertainment just waiting inside them to relieve me of my bile at their lack of consideration and unashamed gluttony. They don't know how lucky they all are.